The soundtrack of our lives

Kiama, NSW

Songs, great songs, have the power to transport us back to significant years or moments in our lives. Some speak of this evocative effect as a ‘soundtrack’ which is embedded within us… and try as we might we can neither delete nor outrun it. At other times a song can prepare us for what is still ahead and make it more bearable, or force us to re-evaluate our relationships and even our beliefs. One of these “great songs” for a large number of people is Simon and Garfunkel’s The Sound of Silence.[1] The haunting and unforgettable lyrical ode to the deep aching of loneliness and insufferable loss: “Hello darkness, my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again…” In 2013 the song was added to the National Recording Registry in the Library of Congress “for being culturally, historically, or aesthetically important.”[2] But even today it is being discovered anew outside any allegiances to genres. Why? It speaks to the core of our shared sense of alienation, of our needs and fears, of what we could confess to each other when down and vulnerable. It is a song with soul it has been somewhere said. “In restless dreams I walk alone/ Narrow streets of cobblestone…”

The song has been covered countless times, sometimes very well, other times brilliantly and yet on other occasions very poorly. Not surprisingly, it is one of the most-performed songs of the 20th century.[3] When I fall in love with a song I will invariably seek out covers, and quite often I am amazed at how beautiful and true to the spirit many of these covers are. Sometimes we find that the cover can be even more powerful (or at least equal) to the original, and here I am particularly thinking of Johnny Cash’s cover of Nine Inch Nails disturbing and yet surprisingly redeeming Hurt.[4] The covers of Paul Simon’s folk rock classic offered here are outstanding examples of how a great song can be reinterpreted to express different nuances or to reach a new audience without damage to the intent of the original. Of interest from these offerings below: a poetical reading from Leonard Cohen; a startling delivery from Sharleen Spiteri; and yet another from the heavy metal American band, Disturbed.

“We human beings are tuned such that we crave great melody and great lyrics. And if somebody writes a great song, it’s timeless…” (Art Garfunkel, b. November 5th 1941)

“Music is forever; music should grow and mature with you, following you right on up until you die.” (Paul Simon, b. October 13th 1941)

“This deep relation which music has to the true nature of all things also explains the fact that suitable music played to any scene, action, event, or surrounding seems to disclose to us its most secret meaning, and appears as the most accurate and distinct commentary upon it.” (Arthur Schopenhauer, 1788-1860)

On a personal note, The Sound of Silence has been on my ‘soundtrack’ since about the time of the First Gulf War (1990-91). When during those imperilled months I was preparing to leave for London and Madrid, to come face-to-face with a much smaller crisis of my own.

“But my words like silent raindrops fell, And echoed/ In the wells of silence…”

 

Paul Simon and Art GarfunkelPaul Simon and Bob DylanDisturbedMike Masse and Jeff HallSharleen SpiteriNouelaEmilίana TorriniLeonard CohenDana Winner

 

[1] The song was recorded and released by Columbia Records in October, 1964. It was included in Simon and Garfunkel’s first studio album, Wednesday Morning, 3AM. It was famously written by Paul Simon over a number of months.

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sound_of_Silence

[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sound_of_Silence

[4] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5p

Magical Recordings

Gerringong, NSW 2015

If you have some spare time, please enjoy these memorable performances. How incredibly fortunate we are these magical recordings are easily accessible to us. There are many insightful quotes connected to music and one of my preferred belongs to Victor Hugo (the author of Les Misérables). “Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” I have a long list of favourite recordings that I will invariably turn to when my spirits are a little down. Those below saved for posterity on YouTube I will visit often and cannot ever imagine being without:

Brigitte Engerer plays Chopin Nocturne in D-Flat Major

Motzart The Requiem Mass in D Minor conducted by Herbert von Karajan

Beethoven Symphony No 9 conducted by Leonard Bernstein

Motzart Piano Concerto in D Minor soloist and conductor Mitsuko Uchida

Beethoven Symphony No 3 in E Flat “Eroica” conducted by Herbert von Karajan

Vladimir Horowitz plays Rachmaninoff 3rd Concerto

Beethoven Moonlight Sonata conducted by Wilhelm Kempff

Mahler Resurrection Symphony No 2 conducted by Claudio Abbado

Mahler Symphony No 6 “Tragic” conducted by Lorin Maazel

I love the dynamics of Beethoven (1770-1827) and the range of Motzart (1756-1791) but too regularly I am overcome by the volatility of Gustav Mahler (1860-1911). And then there are: Handel, Bach, Brahms, Tchaikovsky, Wagner, Liszt, Fauré. You would think them angels made flesh on conditional release from another plane. There are the moderns as well: Benjamin Britten (1913-1976), John Tavener (1944-2013), Arvo Pärt (b. 1935), and more. I will leave these latter day greats for another time.

I have only just drafted a little story:

…a deaf Beethoven arm-in-arm with a blind Brahms… Ars longa, vita brevis.

 

 

The early years at Kingsgrove North High School

Gerringong, NSW

I was in my first year of high school in 1974 when Gough Whitlam’s Labour Party retained government to afterwards introduce the country to the Australian constitutional crisis (the prime minister dismissed by the Governor General after a weeks-long deadlock over the passage of appropriation bills). It would have seemed highly unlikely that one day this legendary political figure and the young boy would cross paths. Around thirty years later we were invited to speak at the Mass Historia conference organized by Melbourne University, the Prime Minister was a keynote speaker and I presented a paper on the “cosmic villains” of the Apocalypse [1]. We spoke for a few minutes after his presentation and had our photograph taken. Father and Mother were very proud. The year Whitlam was returned to office (and Richard Nixon would resign over Watergate), was a defining one for me as well. I was a young boy with an offbeat name reaching outside the boundaries of his old world.

Childhood friends from my infant and primary schooling days at Newtown Primary [2] would be left behind, Bill, Claudio, Danny, Manuel, Milko, Peter, Rodney, and Carmen the black gazelle who never lost a race. Yet I looked forward with excitement to the new start at Kingsgrove North High School. [3] Given that during the 1970’s KNHS like most other outer suburb schools was not too welcoming of those who were not ‘true Australian’ the first years would be a test of character. After all, this was not the multicultural mixing pot of Newtown which I had been used to and where I was in the company of my ‘own kind’: the Greek, the Turk, the Italian, and the Yugoslav. There was at least one way for us boys to be accepted (it would never be so easy for the girls), if we were good enough to grab the opportunity. It was to play football, rugby league[4] I had played a few games of this contact sport in primary school, but to the absolute mortification of Mother, who thought it a game played only by “those barbarian Australoi!

I knew that to survive in this new environment and enjoy my secondary schooling, I had better make the school football team. We understood that ‘wog footballers’ were ‘honorary Australians’ and the better a player you were, the more honorary you would become. I do not believe most people have understood the extraordinary achievement of the Greek-born George Peponis who rose through the junior rugby league ranks to play First Grade for Canterbury Bankstown and then go on to captain the Kangaroos in a domestic Ashes series against Great Britain in 1979. He was one of my heroes, not only for his background and professional success as a medical doctor, but also because in the juniors I had played for the same club, the Saint George Dragons. [5] Here I would often do battle with the great Terry Lamb who played in the same junior competition with the Chester Hill Hornets. At KNHS I was elated when my name was read out together with those of my future teammates by our moustachioed history teacher who was moonlighting as the coach. I was not passed the ball during the trials so I tackled to the point of collapse. Defence became the key component to my game and this experience taught me to never stop looking for other ways. Each season I improved wolfing down rugby league ‘how to’ books and putting in lots of extra training, often tackling a truck tyre late into the evening until my shoulders were covered in deep blue marks and bright red ridges of stinging welts.

I loved the raw physicality of the sport and the courage it demanded. There was nowhere to hide on the football field. It was a game of gladiatorial dimensions. I also embraced its inherent capacity for ‘sacrifice’ and ‘redemption’. Mateship was another of the great ideals of the game but came with a different set of consequences. Six years later when I would ask our coach for a reference contemplating a career in the military, he would write in one place, “Michael is a fierce competitor; he hates the thought of defeat.” Playing through to the school’s First Grade team and ultimately winning the prized Year 12 Best Player trophy, I was touted by some talent scouts as a player with a future in the game. We had some strong teams during those years and we contested and did well in all of the major competitions, Buckley Shield, University Shield, and the popular televised knock-out the Amco Shield. I would later be invited to trial with the Cronulla-Sutherland club after having had surgical repairs on a broken and badly dislocated right elbow. But this was a number of years after I had left high school and not being a naturally gifted player like some of my other team-mates who went on to play in the then ARL, it was much too late. Though the dream would die, the memories and friendships lived on, each to their allotted time.

After the initial distressing experience which included the cacophony of racial taunts and days of silent treatment, high school would become enjoyable. Within three years I would make my first appearance in the school’s First Grade team and gain selection in a number of school boy representative sides. Even my ‘troublesome’ and hard to miss name, the target of endless attempts at humour, Michael Michael, became the playful ‘Mick Mick’. I had graduated to the ranks of ‘honorary’. Earlier on it would have helped if I had known of such estimable writers as William Carlos Williams and Ford Madox Ford! Later I would come to realize that this unhealthy exaggeration of my personality and self-esteem was ultimately more detrimental than it was good. For afterwards when my depression and OCD really kicked-in living through the wreckage that these twin demons will normally bring into relationships, any form of rejection by friends or colleagues would be magnified a ‘thousand-fold’ and border on the unbearable. I had come to believe that I would be liked and remain popular wherever I might go. It would be one of the great shocks in my life when I would discover I was wrong. One of the most heartrending lessons I would have to learn was that not everybody would like me; that not everybody would want to become my friend; that friends would find fault with me; and that sometimes even those whom I loved and who in turn had professed love for me might one day walk away.    

My entry into Year 7 was with class 1L. I look back on that class photo with those expectant smiles and wonder how many of us would not change a thing to be at the place where we are today. In another classroom down the lime colored corridor was one more young boy with a background similar to mine, my closest friend during the next six years (and ball playing prop to my hard-hitting second-row), Andrew N.

Postscript In 1974, given my future research interests, The Six Million Dollar Man first airs in the United States on the ABC network; Robert M. Pirsig publishes Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance; the first extra-terrestrial message is sent from Earth into space; the Universal Product Code (UPC) is scanned for the first time to sell a package of Wrigley’s chewing gum at the Marsh Supermarket in Troy, Ohio.

And I am re-looping Terry Jack’s sickly-sweet Seasons in the Sun not yet understanding why.

 

[1] http://h-net.msu.edu/cgi-bin/logbrowse.pl?trx=vx&list=h-anzau&month=0104&week=a&msg=TeA/prAuxXJCUTDbD/SgRA&user=&pw=

[2] http://www.environment.nsw.gov.au/heritageapp/HeritageItemImage.aspx?ID=2420861#ad-image-1

[3] http://www.kingsgrovn-h.schools.nsw.edu.au/

[4] http://www.nrl.com/nrlhq/referencecentre/historyofrugbyleague/tabid/10440/default.aspx

[5] http://www.foxsportspulse.com/club_info.cgi?c=7-2149-25857-0-0&sID=28124

An Extraordinary Gift

Kingsgrove, NSW

There is a joyfulness attached to both the giving and the receiving of a gift. Sometimes this exchange of gifts between two people goes beyond the ‘ordinary’, the birthday or the anniversary for example, to become a milestone memory. I recently received such an extraordinary gift. What made this benevolence even more unique was that it came not from an old friend but a new one. [1] Benevolence is from the Latin benevolentia, literally “good will”. Is there a nobler motivation for the giving of a gift?

The iron oxide cross tilting and fading in its dark but paradoxically illuminated background reflected much of my life. It was one of Chick’s largest oil paintings [1350mm x 1700mm] and it hung in the corner of his busy workshop. [2] It drew my attention and transfixed my spirit every time I would visit. I could not ask my new friend if this awe-inspiring piece of art was for sale. What price could either one of us put on it? And yet from that first encounter I was convinced that one day, this magnificent work would come home with me. I would later also discover that the canvas was sprayed with salt water and so resonating with even more symbolism.

Around a month ago Chick [Charles Butcher] invited me to look at the draft layout of his [and his partner’s Cobi Cockburn] upcoming exhibition. Once more through the adept use of mixed-media he was investigating that thin nuclear line between the material and immaterial worlds. My first movement was towards the painting. Again I was spellbound by what it was whispering to me from that high place where it hung: that however deep the surrounding darkness Endurance is never wholly extinguished. And I would recollect one of my favourite lines from the noble but unsung Russian poet Olga Sedakova: “For ages I’ve known/ that all creatures with wings are blind, /and that’s why birds cry, ‘O Lord!”

 

“Michael… I want you to have it.”

“Thank you, Chick… I had been waiting.”

From the most unexpected places come our sorrows and our joys. From a friend the arrival of an arrow and from a stranger a great delight.

 

[1] I had known Chick (Charles) Butcher for some time before. Our two boys played together in the local football team. But it was only later during a conversation at Killalea State Park that we started to forge a friendship. We would discover some strong similarities in our thinking and were surprised to learn of each other’s “hidden” identities. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA7w3KY3_kl

[2] Chick shares his workspace with his partner Cobi Cockburn who is also an award winning and internationally recognized artist. http://sabbiagallery.com/artists/cobi-cockburn/  

It is the blog which matters to me

Wollongong, NSW

Some friends have noticed that large parts of the journal have gone missing. I will try to explain. The purpose behind these entries is to throw some light on the blog. It is the blog which matters to me. I came to a point in the journal itself, where things were starting to get a little complicated. This meant a number of other actors had to be drawn into my story. Some of these individuals are not unknown to the broader community. I asked myself what right I had to introduce them into this space without their prior knowledge or right of reply. But also if I was to dig deep into my own past and offer it up for examination, what would that ultimately achieve? And would I have ulterior motives? The temptation to present myself as someone “more wronged against than wronged” and to justify my actions in places where I perhaps should not, or even to exaggerate my battles, both the losses and the gains, would more than likely prove too strong. The spiritual intellect is willing, but the flesh is weak. For now at least, some of the old wounds are not wholly healed. “There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings” (Dostoevsky). That is, to fall short of our destiny. Later when the winter chill has pricked more deeply into my bones, I will attempt to write those chapters again. I believe the goal of a writer, whatever his or her merits, is neither the arousal of pity nor the soliciting for admiration… but the offering of HOPE and the testimony of the “worthiness of life” (Viktor Frankl).

What I will now do here in this space is to share some morsels of insight into my reading and love for music. This week for example, I have been revisiting Pablo Neruda’s marvellous memoir (even great poets with an obsession for beautiful shells could be deceived by “Uncle Joe” Stalin), and been listening to Cesaria Evora (the “Barefoot Diva”). From the Scriptures, I have been reading Deuteronomy. Surprisingly for many people, it is the only book from which Christ quotes directly when speaking to the devil in the wilderness.

Certainly, there will be times when I pass commentary on my past. It would be impossible otherwise. How else can we slay the dragon?